Are you a Victim of TPM Abuse? Look at the picture below. What do you see? You see a ship floating in the air. It is famously known as “Flying Dutchman.” This Flying Dutchman is the symbol of TPM Gaslighting. Let us evaluate.
It was believed (myth in the early 18th century) that the crew of the ship was a ghost. We know it now as an optical illusion! This optical illusion is caused by the bending of light waves. The Ship sails in water like a normal ship, but due to hot and cold air, light waves bend and it appears to the onlooker that the ship is hovering in the air. Similarly, there are many other illusions in this world.
The point is that things aren’t necessarily as they appear at the surface. A victim of TPM abuse may not sound to us as the external situations reveal to us. We may need to read between the lines and connect the dots to know the truth.
The Story from a Novel
I happened to go through a story last night (web-series on Hot-star Disney) and it made me ponder. Let me guide you through the plot.
A married woman stabs her husband. Then she dials the hospital number to inform them about her wounded husband. Before the hospital staff arrives, the woman leaves her home with her husband lying in bed in a half-dead state. A few hours later she (the woman who stabbed her husband with a knife) is caught by the police and taken to custody.
The Police record her statement and she with great remorse accepts that she has indeed stabbed her husband. She says sorry! Prima Facie, the case appears like an Open and Shut Case. There is a murder and the culprit has accepted it.
Moreover, the woman is also found to be pregnant with a child of an extramarital affair with her doctor. If this is not enough, the woman had been to the house of the doctor immediately before she stabbed her husband. So we have a motive and a murder. All revealed to us before our naked eyes. Further, she also dialed the insurance company before stabbing her husband. What do you think from the information available? An Open and Shut Case. Right?
The Curious Verdict
An outsider makes a claim that the woman is not guilty of the murder. How does that sound to you? Who in the world can rescue her when she herself has accepted her crime? Fallen in her own eyes, is there something more to this that she herself doesn’t know? Is there a savior for her about whom she has no information?
The Story after the Investigation
As the story unravels, the investigation reveals that the woman was the victim of domestic abuse, which she herself was unable to recognize. The woman wept and accepted her crime because she was not in a state to recognize that she was indeed a victim. She was manipulated to always think of herself as a deficient person.
She was manipulated by her husband (who is murdered now) to a very extreme level, that she always used to think that she is the sick one and therefore needs some treatment. This is called gaslighting in psychology. In such cases, the abuser cunningly abuses the victim in such a manner that the victim fails to realize that she is being abused. But contrary to it, she feels that he loves her and takes care of her in order to heal her. Such victims are made to believe that suffering is the path to healing.
In the story, we realize that her husband used to tell her pathological lies about her weakness and thus sucked all her confidence, making her desperate without him. She was humiliated and at the same time love bombarded. Her manipulative husband also cut off her ties with her family, lying to her that her family does not want to meet her. At the same time, he told her family that she does not want to talk with them.
Now she became totally dependent on her manipulative husband. Then in the eyes of the world, he made himself a gem of a person who is willing to go the extra mile to take care of his sick wife. But behind the closed doors, he used to abuse her forcibly and present his acts to her as her punishment for her weakness, needed to heal her.
She knew that something was wrong, yet she was never able to sense and identify it. Lines between love and abuse were so mixed-up that the victim remained confused. Frustrated, and looking for some ray of hope, situations so unfold, that one day, she commits a sin with her male psychiatrist.
A few months later, she realizes that she was pregnant with the Doctor’s child. On the day she visits his psychiatrist to inform him. Later on, she returns home and takes a knife in order to kill herself.
Shocked and ashamed at this continual abuse, and realizing that the world will come to know what was happening with her behind closed doors (afraid to disclose her sexual abuse). It is fact that most women never disclose the abuse they undergo because of shame. In fact, she had only dialed the insurance company to know how much money her daughter would get if she killed herself.
Initially, it was reported that she stabbed her husband but later we realized that her motive to take the knife in her hand was to kill herself. As she takes the knife to kill herself, situations change. Seeing her husband coming towards her with abusive intent, she sleeps over the knife to hide it. As her husband is trying to rape her, a struggle ensues and he gets stabbed accidentally.
As the court is presented with all these extra pieces of information (because of investigations), the judge reduces her punishment to merely one year, (realizing that she had never intended to kill).
Now going back to where the story began and read it from the beginning and you will realize that mere visible information can be misleading. Surface level data revealed that she is a depressed woman (treated by psychiatrist), who has killed her husband and accepted her crime with tears in her eyes. But now after the in-depth information is made available, the view changes. Her only crime was the accidental affair with the doctor.
Rest all was how situations unfolded against her. She was a victim of years and years of gaslighting and abuse which she underwent. Someone was required to question her and extract information to know the truth. That can only come after we remove her shame to divulge what she was hiding. It is only then she herself realizes what was happening with her. This is not just a fantasy story but as I told earlier, this is what is known as gaslighting in psychological terms.
Gaslighting of TPM Sisters
As I watched this story undfold, I felt that the story has a striking resemblance to the abuses inside TPM. Narcissist leaders of TPM manipulate/abuse junior sisters mentally/physically behind the closed doors of faith-home that many TPM sisters are ashamed to disclose the torture they undergo inside. Sisters are also love bombarded and made to believe that suffering is the way to glory. They are made to believe God is leading them through this path, to make them perfect.
Just like the abusive husband in the story above had cut off all ties of the woman with her dear ones, TPM also cuts off all relatives from these workers. They do so to control the information that goes out. They want to make the victim feel helpless and lonely. They have to endure and be dependent on abusive TPM.
It is out of shame and confusion they fail to recognize the abuse on account of false love shown to them. Many sisters never disclose this trauma to their families. In the end, situations so unfold, that such depressed, confused, and lonely sisters, in search of some external hope, commit some mistake (maybe an affair). Then just to evade all this, they are left with no other option than to elope (just like the woman in the above story thought of committing suicide).
As they elope, TPM which has always presented itself as a loving caring husband to these victim workers then labels the traumatic workers as backslidden, fallen, and evil ones. Outside TPM, these ex-workers have lost all their self-esteem(being gas-lighted, ashamed of their mistake, failure, and public shame). They are never able to diagnose that they are victims of systematic abuse.
- Presenting victim as depressed/weird in eyes of the world.
- Cutting relationship of victim with their world
- Making the victim completely dependent
- Love bombarding victim and abusing at the same time(confusing victim with love and abuse)
- Manipulative/ Controlling/ dominating who must be pleased and obeyed (abusing victim)
- This goes on and on until something evil happens.
This article is written not for the general public. We are trying to give hope to a few of the victims of TPM abuse, who can relate to the experience of the woman in the story above. Many workers come out of TPM, due to gas-lighting they undergo in the so-called ministry. Outside of TPM, they feel traumatically tormented, depressed, and confused.
I am not saying all criminals outside TPM (who get caught for sexual misconduct) are not “not guilty”. All I am saying is that like the investigators in the story above, (who delved into the depths of the case), Jesus Christ will someday, delve into the depths of individual cases and have mercy on you (even though these workers who had left TPM, might feel fallen in their own eyes).
The world of TPM may call you an outcast, but there is always hope in our advocate Jesus Christ. Amen!
This will take place on the day when God judges people’s secrets through Jesus Christ, as my gospel declares.Rom 2:16